my 22nd lap around the sun
lately i've had a lot more time to spend alone and really think and reflect about things. thinking back to a year ago, it's kind of crazy how much different i am/feel about things.
i know we change and it's all this part of growing up - but who knew that so much could happen in one year. a year ago on my birthday, i knew my life definitely was never gonna be the same again.
i'm trying to be real with myself and want to let out all the skeletons in my closet. no more bottling shit up because i've learned that it is not healthy - for me, or for anyone.
i'm not tryna say i went through the roughest shit of my life this past year, but i think it was definitely a whirlwind of emotions, realizations, lessons, and growth. i feel like i experienced all the emotions - sad, helpless, confused, angry, scared, happy, nostalgic, you name it. i have never ever felt so weak and stupid, i have never felt so disappointed in myself. but i have also never felt so much happiness, love, and hope.
i think i used to be a very independent person. i didn't really need someone to talk to, and i was more focused on what was in front of me, rather than what other people are doing/thinking. it wasn't when i experienced how exciting and fun it was to have someone to talk to and connect so well with - and how nice it felt being that person for someone else too. it's like an addiction. toxic. this shit scares me for whenever i actually fall in love lol.
honestly i think i changed a lot this past year, in good and bad ways. i'm ashamed of some of my actions. i'm ashamed of things i've said, and how i've acted in certain situations. but i'm thankful that i've learned from them.
the unfortunate thing about people is that sometimes they aren't meant to be a part of your life, no matter how much you would like them to be. and sometimes they don't turn out to be the type of person you thought you knew. this is just so sad to me - but like i always try to remember, there's always more things to be happy about.
twenty-one was such a ride. i don't know how i survived it all lol. no matter how caught up i still may be about the people i lost, there is no greater appreciation or love for the people i still have - family and my friends. a big THANK YOU to everyone who has walked into my life. even if you walked out of it, i'm still thankful for the happiness you gave me during the time we had together.
so here's to twenty two - another year of lessons, and probably even more emotions. i don't know what it holds, but i do know i'll be smarter and stronger. or let's hope lol.
here's to moving forward. regaining my independence and determination. focusing on the shit that really matters. keeping my feet on the ground but keeping my mind open. being patient and kind.
i just want to find that peace within myself. i hope you'll find it too.
just some shit i do/wanna talk about